Wednesday, April 7, 2021

Day 87: Contrary to Popular Belief, You're Allowed to Calm Down...

This past few weeks my commute to work has been a pleasant experience... I drive through the oil fields of Bakersfield, CA to get to work and usually there are oil field trucks, tractor trailers and occasionally an all-out stoppage of traffic while some behemoth of a vehicle maneuvers carefully to turn a corner to relocate to some other oil well... For the most part, once I top the hill, the largest portion of this drive is two lane, no passing zone…  There is a half mile stretch of road right before the oil fields that is two lane and drivers race to get around obstacles to position themselves for a better placement in the field to enter into another two lane that winds through the working fields… In other words, for the anxious and stressed out, a cornucopia of potential triggers…  Before my 90 Day Life Change Challenge, I would drive white knuckled, jaw clenched, teeth grinding and try my best to get ahead of the town traffic before the first two lane, curse and plan my escape from the slow vehicle in front of me when I got the two lane respite, floor it to get around anyone I could manage before the agonizing two lane, no passing zone of the oil fields… Any stoppages would almost infuriate me, and I would wait impatiently with the fists clenched on the steering wheel and when it opened back into the four lane, I would speed the rest of the way to work… Doesn’t that sound lovely? When I look back at that, I wonder what the fuck I was doing… I would often show up to work drained and anxiety ridden after driving like I had a turtle head poking out… If you don’t know what that means, you can Google it...

Then came the 90 Day Life Change Challenge... As I have said before, this challenge changed far more than I bargained for... I wanted to take a break from my drinking habit, and it ended my drinking entirely… I wanted to improve a few areas and it changed the game for me… I wanted to reframe my life to reduce stress and it gave me tools to transform my entire life…

Now I drive to work with a smile on my face, and a peaceful feeling in my body. I alternately listen to motivation speeches some days and loud music on others… I dance at the stoplights and chill out when traffic stoppages occur… I’m relaxed, happy and sometimes, when I dance and sing at stoplights, I even cheer up the person next to me…

Now again, this isn’t a normal thing for me. All my life, driving has been something stressful, where I tighten up and get anxious about people around me driving the “wrong way”, being inconsiderate, being too aggressive, driving too slow in the fast lane and all the other shit I considered they were doing incorrectly… I drive differently now, I have a different mindset. I loosened up my approach and don’t feel like I need to rush anywhere. I let people drive the way they wanted to drive, and just flow with traffic. The way I frame it now is that I cannot control Grandpa Bill driving 25 miles per hour down the road with a line of cars behind him… Grandpa Bill has just as much right to be out as I do and if I am in that much of a fucking hurry, I should probably leave earlier…

In addition to that, I am rarely late… Whether I hurry or not, I am more often than not five to ten minutes early… The difference between my old habits and my new is that people notice my positive energy when I dance my way into the parking lot, greet them with enthusiasm and smile…

Now how does my drive to work relate to anything else? Well, actually it can relate to EVERTHING else…

This can be an approach to all of life.

When I was anxious, it’s because I wanted to be somewhere at a certain time, or I wanted something to happen the way I wanted it to happen. But this deadline, this goal, this need, was entirely self-created. To top it off, I wanted to be “on time” when I was already “on time”… My stress was entirely unnecessary… I created the stress to be somewhere at a certain time. I created the need for things to turn out the way I wanted it to turn out. I created the desire for other people to act (or drive) the way I wanted them to act or drive.

I created my own anxiety, and so I have the keys to solve my own problems.

So how do we do this?

Let go of wanting to rush somewhere. Let go of wanting things to turn out exactly as you’d like them to turn out. Let go of wanting people to act a certain way. It is so simple… This directly correlates with my new life rule number one… Change the things I can change and DO NOT worry, stress or create anxiety about the shit I have absolutely no control over… I cannot make Grandpa Bill drive any differently than the way Grandpa Bill drives… I cannot call the well services company and have them move that large piece of equipment on my schedule… I can only relax, drive safely and purposefully enjoy my life…

Consequently, it’s pretty hard to get a ticket when you drive to work obeying traffic laws… Think about that for a second… If you are speeding, weaving, running stop signs, and impatient, you’re breaking the law, which means you’re being vigilant for the police… Vigilance creates stress, stress creates anxiety…

Isn’t it amazing how a little mindfulness can alleviate a myriad of problems?

Relax…

Be the calm center in the raging flow of life….

To reiterate, be mindful when you’re tightening up. You might start getting stressed about your commute even before you leave… Recognize this tension stems from your desire for things to be a certain way. Loosen up on this desire and be serene, if not happy with how things are. And then flow with it…

Let your life becomes a calm, beautiful path that you can enjoy with each step.

Now go enjoy the drive…

The 90 Day Life Change Challenge… Broke my ½ Murph record this morning by 19 seconds… Didn’t know I was going to when I started, I just fell into the groove and the first two sets went down easily and then it became a mindfulness exercise in controlled breathing, pain management and time… some days, the workout just comes easily, those are the best days… Right after the record breaking Murph, I knocked P90X3 Eccentric Upper out of the way, immediately went to the garage and did Yoga and then straight into meditation… It could not have been a better morning…

Three more days… See you tomorrow… Looking forward to it…


Love you all like a new guitar player loves learning to play the Stairway to Heaven riff…


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