Today was Day 12... I didn't expect today. It snuck up on me and suddenly the monkey was all over me, not just on my back... Drank a pot of coffee, concentrated on my work and fought the good fight of staying sober... Its funny, I rarely drank during the day. It's like my addiction attacked me during a time I would least expect it to. Today is the Tet Offensive of my war on alcohol.
I woke up without any energy and struggled through the workouts and plank... Showered, took care of a difficult issue this morning with my IT Department. Got everything done on my Life Challenge list and slowly the desire to drink rose up like a waking dragon... It was surprising. I spent the day trying to focus, forgetting names, details... I wondered where this part of the detox was... When you drink 50 to 60 shots of vodka a week for years, you don't walk away without a fight. Vodka is like a psychotic ex and if they can't have you, no one is going to...
I'm weak, tired, sad but proud of myself... Day 12 is too far in to turn back and besides, I would have to admit to upwards of fifty people that I let anything take me down... Like my dear uncle Larry, the most inappropriate person I have ever known says, "I'm like a sore dick, you can't beat me..." Probably might lose some readers right there but that's okay, if you have been reading this long, you know this is the Hour of Power Gospel Show...
This fucking sucks...
The list of symptoms sounds like I'm dying... hahaha Shaky, quiet, not being able to think clearly, sweaty then cold, headache, trembling hands, weak, hungry but nothing sounds good... unfocused... I am grateful for years of mindfulness, meditation, and exercise. Having to master self control in this situation would be difficult and I am suddenly in awe of those who do and understanding of those who cannot. It takes a monumental effort to beat an addiction but... I am not easily defeated.
Feels good to confess it. I am weakened but only in body, my resolve to quit is redoubled... Somebody give me a sword, let me fight this fucking dragon...
That's enough for today...
Love ya.. Mean it...
78 Days to go... Anyone up for joining in on this ride? Pick a challenge, what have you got to lose?
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