The good news is that I got my ass out of bed this morning at 5:30... The bad news? My injured back did not let me do my 1/2 Murph and P90X3. However, I did let Marie Winsor torture me for a few minutes with some Winsor Pilates... Way back in 2000 something, I was scheduled to get back surgery and someone introduced me to Pilates and now whenever I need a tune up, I just wait until the sharp pains pass and do a month of Pilates and Dr. Winsor always comes through... So a few days of Pilates should fix the issue and I will be back on track for 100% of my 90 Day Life Change... But anyway, I did manage to wake up, get up, meditate, do some Pilates, and not get drunk... Well, I wouldn't have gotten drunk anyway but I need the praise...
I won't be long today, my sleep is wildly disrupted because, well... Surprisingly when you use vodka to go to sleep for years, taking it away causes sleep disruption. Imagine that.. So right now the nights are pretty long and I am pretty tired when I get up. I think there should be some sort of law where the detoxification process has a work furlough attached to it... Seriously, trying to work, workout, do challenges and learn shit simultaneously isn't pleasant.
So how do I know I have a substance abuse problem... Well fuck, lets just get real, shall we? Today I was sitting at my desk doing some work and I get this weird email about my Amazon account being shut off... Three hours later after being on the phone with the bank, two credit card companies, four Amazon scammers (Please give us your account number... Can you go to an Amazon distribution center to verify your address? Please got to zoho.com and give us your account numbers....) and fielding multiple emails, text messages and phone calls from all over the fucking country instructing me how to let them keep scamming from me... All I could think about was how a drink would settle my nerves... It was right there, being that self aware guy that I am, I realized that this 90 dry out (...and planned permanent abstinence but let's not get crazy right away please...) was more than needed, it is a requirement. I think I may have an alcohol problem... When problems arise and all you want is a drink, a joint, a pipe, a pill, etc... then you may need to confront that demon... Just saying... So I noted my desire, squelched it and then listened to some industrial techno while I worked on my day logs and time card...
I still want that drink...
So no sleep, bad back (improving slowly...), a monkey on my back, stolen credit cards and the thought of 86 days stretched out in front of me with nothing but discipline and self control to weather the storm... Sounds like a challenge and if you read yesterday's ramblings, bring it the fuck on... I will go down in flames before I quit...
So now you know... Alcohol abstinence is on the self improvement list for a reason...
I would like to point out that alcohol has been a part of my existence since before I have real memories... I vaguely remember playing sick as a young child so I could get a hot toddy before bedtime... Warm whiskey for toddlers was a thing back in the day... Before that, my grandfather was a bootlegger and he ran illegal whiskey during prohibition... My dad, heavy drinking all through his life... Wild Turkey on the rocks... I got drunk at age 12 with my elderly neighbor and his dog, "Ripper"... He was a big coon dog that loved Pabst Blue Ribbon... I drank all through high school, the Marine Corps, heavily between marriages... I was a bartender for a while... So you can see why when my world burned down this afternoon, I thought about my friend, Mr. Stolichnaya and what relief he would have brought me... Time to quit... Fuuuuuuuuuck me I don't want to...
So everything else is a go, I wrote again today (obviously...), fasted until noon, whole food for lunch, didn't overeat, meditated, plank challenge was a rest day and I can feel exercise time coming back soon... I am going to have to start P90X3 over from the very beginning again... Unfortunately that means that this cycle will extend beyond my 90 day moratorium on fun, but whatever, I will just challenge myself to something harder anyway...
So much to talk about over the next few months, should be interesting...
But for right now...
Goddamn, somebody give me a drink...
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