Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Day Two: I'm Not Crazy, You're Just Apathetic...

Alright, I missed getting up at 5:30 again because my back feels like it is broken and I can find no good reason to not hit the snooze button... Okay, its not a button anymore, it's a touch screen but modern designers have made it look like its a button, so it's a button... So 5:21 came and I snoozed until 5:30 which led to a "snooze-a-palooza" until 5:45 and then I laid there lamenting my inability to exercise... Yes, I did lament. I miss exercising... For the last few years I have done it daily with very few breaks and I kind of got used to doing it. Yes, I dread it some days and I put it off until I hate myself but I always do it. That feeling that you have right after exercise, that proud, tired, jubilant feeling of knowing you did something that most people won't do? Yeah, THAT feeling... I love it. So I laid in bed and read the news and let me tell you, starting off your day with the headlines is not really the way you want to go... I live in California so the dumpster fire in Washington D.C. has already been burning for three hours before I get up in the morning. I imagine that if America meets it's demise before 5:30 AM PST, I probably won't know, especially if I hit the snooze... However, I will suspect something is amiss because the internet is down.. There I go, digressing again... 

The rest of the plan is all coming along nicely though. My diet is 100%, plenty of water, guitar, writing, etc... All going well. I know, I know, its been two days, so why am I celebrating, right? Because, I committed to this and I damn well mean to make it. I am healing slowly and then I will be on track for the entire plan. You see, most would say "I will start when my back heals up..." Yeah, that a plan, start later, when you will have either forgotten you were going to work on yourself or maybe something else will pop up that yet again delays you until you just give up... 

Listen, for everyone out there who says I am being too hard on people, you're right... So if people like me offend you, stop listening. Luckily there are plenty of people with the discipline and motivation I have or otherwise there would be 2 people running the Boston Marathon and winning the Ironman would be easy... I know, we all aren't meant to excel... There, now you have an excuse not to try and be good at something because we can't all be... Give yourself that rope you need... Tell yourself "when the pandemic is over" or "starting on the first" or "as soon as things calm down" or my favorite, "Monday..." You know what? Fuck the pandemic, fuck the first, fuck calm and fuck Monday...  Start now, in fact, stop reading this and make a plan and start now, then come back and finish if you have to because all I am going to do with the rest of this blog is piss your lazy ass off anyway. 

So, shall we go on?

I mentioned David Goggins in my last bog, I think... Anyway, Goggins is commonly referred to as "The Toughest Man Alive"... You can read about him here if you would like but if you don't feel like it, just know he entered the San Diego One Day, a 24-hour ultramarathon held at Hospitality Point in San Diego. He was able to run 101 miles in 19 hours and 6 minutes—despite never having attempted to run a marathon previously. Then he decided to start training... Mr. Goggins is abrasive, sometimes abusive, dismissive of people who say they cannot and has no issues telling you that you are lazy. In fact, he says it is easy to excel in this culture because everyone is weak.... I took offense at that... When I read his book, it pissed me off... Not because he was wrong, but because I was weak, lazy, unmotivated and making excuses as to why I couldn't... He sparked that curiosity in me that consistently asks "am I doing as much as I can to live a full, holistically healthy and happy life?" Maybe some people are happy not pushing limits, maybe some people don't really want to excel... I am guessing here, but when I look at social media, or go to the grocery store I don't see a whole lot of physically fit, mentally well people. I see a whole lot of depression, sadness and self deprecating folks who talk more about what they want to be doing rather than what they are doing. Go ahead, take a look through that filter and see if I am telling the truth... A cursory glance at social media and its a shit show of crying, self loathing and asking for help. Yes, I am a mental health professional and I know that lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of people are drowning in their misery and they need clinical help. I'm not saying that your misery doesn't count and I'm not saying that your pain isn't real, just don't ask David Goggins about it... You won't like the answer any more than I did... 

So stop making excuse when you think you need help, get help. If you are in trouble emotionally get help. If you are thinking of harming yourself get help. You are not alone and help is readily available. Need someone to talk to? Stop making excuses and pick up the phone and call someone you trust. If you don't trust anyone call the help lines, someone is always sitting there, waiting to assist you. 

Now back to the plainly lazy people... You know who you are... Strong enough to fix yourself but too fucking lazy to do it. Pizza tastes better than vegetables, fast food is easier than cooking, watching TV is easier than taking a walk. I want to thank all of you for your hard "not work" because being surrounded by you makes looking like a superhero easy... It's pretty easy to excel when everyone is sitting on the couch binge watching television shows... I use your disdain to fuel my fire... So go ahead and tell me why you can't, because I love it.

Now I am more than motivated, more than driven, I have developed an obsession to the point where people think I'm fucking crazy. I'm one of the assholes now... Yes, I said it. You know those fit fuckers that wander through the vegetable section in the grocery store with a cart full of vegetables, wearing workout clothes and smiling? Yeah, THOSE fuckers... Well, I graduated and now I communicate with them because we recognize each other... My co-worker is one of them, er, us... We talk excitedly about how far we push ourselves. She told me the other day that she did squats in the gym until she almost threw up and I celebrated the event with her.  Because yes, an exercise session that ends in tears and snot are the best ones. Wobbly legs coupled with gasping for air is fucking incredible! 

Day two is in the bag... I will be practicing my A chord to E chord changes tonight on the guitar with Andy... For those of you curious about learning guitar, go see Andy Guitar for ten free lessons, he is a peach... 

I will talk about the 40% rule soon... You will hate that too...

See you tomorrow...

Love ya...

Mean it...













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