Happy Day Nine! As it will have to be sometimes, this post
will be a shorter than usual. However much I can stuff into my lunch hour short
will have to suffice… I do have a couple ideas that I wanted to convey before
the 90 Day Life Change Challenge update.
First off, I would like to say that my job gives me access
to hundreds and hundreds of coping skills, life skills and situational survival
tools for mental health. I am so appreciative of the people I work with and the
access that I have to vast amounts of trainings, manuals, videos, and even direct
access to therapists. Not everyone has this luxury, so I am grateful for the information
and contacts…. They are inspiring and they put up with me, for the most part... Except for that one guy, you know who you are...
I am finding it easier to look around and be grateful for
things but I still like to make people paranoid for fun…
Switching gears…
Last night I got a comment on the Day 8 blog that made me stop
and evaluate how I do and have always done things. The comment was about my
choice to take the opened bottle of vodka out of my freezer and put it on the
shelf in my garage. The commenter was quite correct that ordinarily, those who
are in early recovery shouldn’t have access to an open bottle of vodka… You can
apply that to almost everything that people get addicted to including drugs,
cigarettes, vape pens, sugar, etc…
Family Guy cut-a-way time…
By the time I was in high school, I had seen plenty of
situations where adults in my life would roll down the window, toss out a pack
of cigarettes or a can of snuff and curse saying that they were done with the
habit only to see them stop and buy a new pack or can or in one case that I clearly
remember, helping my cousin scan the bushes along a road looking for his can of
Copenhagen Snuff… We found it burst open and then we went to a GoMart and got
more but I digress… Of course everyone has seen the movie where the alcoholic
dumps the bottle down the drain while weeping… So I was very familiar with how
to not quit using a substance…
One day when I was in high school, my best friend and I were
riding with his father in a pickup truck with me in the middle seat. Suddenly Mr.
Simmons reaches in his breast pocket of his t-shirt and pulls out a pack of Camel
Unfiltered (I remember them primarily because he used to spit out bits of
tobacco when he smoked them, and I used to take one every now and then when he
wasn’t looking…) and hands them to me and told me to put them in the glove box.
I did as I was told because Mr. Simmons was a 6’5”, 300+ pound man who had
resting bitch face and when he asked you to do something, you just did… He was
never mean to any of us, but he was fucking intimidating as hell. My friend
asked his dad why and Mr. Simmons flatly stated he was going to quit. The tone
he used didn’t leave room for doubt or questions.
Now weeks went by and we never saw Mr. Simmons smoke and one
day while helping him put a transmission in his truck, which by the way weighed
100’s of pounds and he was lying on his back holding it up with one hand and
trying to put in a bolt with the other, the dude was a monster… I asked him why
he put those cigarettes in the glove box and not tossed them out the window… He
told me plainly, “because I’m stronger than a pack of goddamn cigarettes…” I
left it at that and over the years I deciphered what that meant, and I used the
concept throughout my life to stop several bad habits.
Mr. Simmons used a pack of cigarettes to build his resistance
to smoking. They were right there in the glove box and he had full access to
them whenever he wanted but, he didn’t want them, and I think that was his
entire idea. I had seen a ½ dozen instances of people in my family toss
cigarettes and snuff out the window only to stop within days or hours to
guiltily buy a new pack when the need grew too great to handle. So what I saw Mr.
Simmons do was a exhibition of strength and character that is now a part of my
behavior. He said he was done, and I watched him be done…
Thank you, Mr. Simmons for that piece of demonstrative
wisdom…
So yeah, I have a bottle of vodka in my garage. It’s not hidden,
and I don’t sneak out to take a drink and refill it with water, so it looks
like I didn’t. It is in plain view and when my kid comes to town, if he asks
for a drink, I have it. The planet didn\"t quit drinking, just me...
Mr. Simmons was a pillar of strength and now I can show those
around me that I too am “stronger than a goddamn bottle of liquor…”
Point here is to find a way to succeed...
Back from the cut-a-way…
When I was in therapy, my counselor let me be me and I slowly
concluded that if she was agreeing with my methods, they must be valid for me.
I imagine there are some out there who will enter their recovery by sweeping
through the house and removing the substances that they are having trouble
with. There are plenty of reminders in my home about vodka, I spent 43 years
with it in my life and now, I’m done with and when I say I am done drinking it,
I’m done. I don’t trigger easily so that bottle on the shelf is safe from me…
Wait, maybe I am safe from it? Well, either or…
Now, how about a little Bob Perrine confrontational motivation? Nothing I like more than pointing out the obvious...
I saw this photo and it caused me to think that the best undertaking
you will ever work on, is you. Nothing in this life will ever give you a
greater return on the time you invest in working on you. The greatest version
of you is waiting, just beyond your decision to create it. It will years of work,
reading books that will remind you that you are not working as hard as you
should, evaluating yourself and coming
to conclusions that aren’t comforting and taking all that negative energy and
using is as fuel to power yourself out of it. Disappointment in yourself first
requires you to forgive yourself and then reform that personal relationship that
allows you to move forward with trust that you can overcome, adapt, and conquer
your problems. The really great thing about taking personal responsibility is
that you can do it at any time. No matter how far down, no matter how much
weight you have gained, you can lose it, no matter how much time has passed,
you can learn, no mater how bad your habits, you can change them. It is never
too late to get that personal epiphany that you can start over at any time, on
any day you select. You can choose to build new mental, physical, and social habits
that will lead to a personal image that impresses you instead of disappointing you.
The problem is that most people don’t want to be reminded
they lack, that they are far less than they want to be. They would rather watch
mindless television than read. They would rather order a pizza than cook
something healthy. When they do make the decision is made to improve, if the
results are not immediate, the pursuit is abandoned, then forgotten but the taste
of disappointment never leaves their mouths. Years of self-abuse become
sickness and sickness leads to self-pity. In the end it was never their fault.
A shitty life is usually results in one of two conclusions, someone else’s
fault or monstrous self-loathing.
So listen if you’re reading this and it’s speaking to you… You
don’t need to wait until the pandemic is over, you don’t need to wait until Monday
and by the first of next month the spark you feel right now will be long gone…
You don’t need to wait until the weather is warmer… Listen, all you need a
better mindset because the opportunity to change your life is perpetually
available. Break through the barriers
you have set for yourself. Be the example you want to be… A shitty life is your fault, and no one is going
to come and save you because unfortunately the truth is no one can save you. I
cannot make you change your habits unless I put you in an environment where you
don’t make your own choices. Ask a prisoner in a penitentiary how that feels.
Chosen transformation leads to revolutionary changes, forced change just leads
to revolt….
Your choices have consequences, a simple adage that rings
true. Most use it to point out the negative. Let me take the other side and say
that choices do have consequences, you ever see someone who made the choice to
improve themselves? The consequence was they improved themselves….
Get started, improve yourself and you won’t regret it. I
have never seen a person get in shape and then say “I wish I felt like shit
like I used to…”
Now, a little update on my project before I go back to work.
Thought I made it through everything yesterday, had all my exercise done before
8:00 AM and when I sat down with my guitar at 9:00 PM last night, I glanced at
my list of challenges and saw that I failed to take my vitamins at lunch… A
nice shot of vitamin B before bed isn’t a recommendation for a good night’s
sleep…
Fuck…
So last night I learned to pay attention to the details of
the list of changes that I made… Today I
took my vitamins at lunch… All I have left today is to sit down with my guitar
and that’s perfectly okay because that is the thing on my list that isn’t a total
chore. The remaining catalogue of pain is slowly becoming routine, but comprehensively
still not a day in the amusement park… However my suffering is bringing about some
wondrous results. My mind is sharper, and last night I slept deeply for the
first time in a long time. My guitar playing is rapidly improving… This morning
I put on my pants, started to walk out the door and realized I needed a belt…
The improvements are widespread because I am working from a holistic approach.
I am still suffering but as the author and psychologist Susan David so aptly
pointed out “Discomfort is the price to a meaningful life.” I chose this
suffering to make myself a better person… Isn’t that magnanimous of me? I feel
better and you get the experience of the wonder of me… You are so lucky. Look, I said I was
improving all aspects of my life, but an improved narcissistic asshole is still
a narcissistic asshole, just sayin’…
So Day Nine is mostly over… If you had started nine days
ago, you would be nine days improved…
Get off your ass and get to work… Just make the decision. Changing your mind is
way easier than diabetes… Less needles are involved…
See you tomorrow.
As always, love ya, mean it…
No comments:
Post a Comment