Thank god I wrote all those motivational blogs… If everyone
I knew hadn’t read those, if I hadn’t had over 500 views, I woulda quit like a
gas lawnmower hitting a tree stump this morning… I slept all the way through
the night except for a brief “whadafuckwuzdat” moment at 2:30 AM when what
sounded like Lollapalooza was happening in the street outside my window… At
5:21 AM, in the middle of nice dream about… Well, it was a nice dream and I
shouldn’t really go into here… Anyway, Lady Gaga starts crooning at 5:21 AM and
although I always allow myself one snooze, it was one of those mornings when
you hit the snooze and what feels like four seconds later it goes off again and
your eyes are on fire, you body is truly being non-compliant and the only thing
you can think of are 15 excuses about why you can skip this day… But I had all
of you… While you may not have the expectations I have of myself, I am not
about to give anyone the enjoyment of Schadenfreude… You can all forget about
that… Failure isn’t an option here…
So I dragged my sleepy as out of bed, ran into the desk
because I moved my furniture around, stumbled into the bathroom and even though
the security light outside was giving me enough light to navigate, I turned on
the bathroom light and managed to startle myself awake enough to use the
bathroom, washed my face with cold water and got my workout clothes on… This
was one of those mornings where you hate yourself for making a commitment to
exercise and doubly hate that you are blogging about it… One of those mornings
where you kinda want to slam your ankle in a door so you will have an excuse to
skip the torture…
But like I said, I have all of you and you’re watching me
suffer… sigh…
So I gathered up my wits, setup my area, started the music,
started the stopwatch and then stopped the stopwatch because I forgot to get a
cup of coffee… Then, after checking my phone, bemoaning the fact that the next
hour was going to suck, I started the stopwatch again… That first burpee was
agony and for the next hour all I could think of was how much I wanted to just
fucking quit… every set of reps was accompanied by four repetitive negative
thoughts:
1.
I can’t possibly finish.
2.
Why did I do this?
3.
90 days? What?
4.
Was that a valid “stop” pain?
Over and over and over until the ½ Murph was done… Then I
broke down that equipment and spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to
delay doing P90X3 The Challenge.
I just would like to stop right here for a second and admit
something… I never quit but I never stop doubting myself… I have done the
impossible and for the duration of the attempt, I don’t believe I am going to
make it… I doubt when I start my exercise day, I doubt all the way to the end
and in the end, I doubt I can keep it up tomorrow, next week and as far as finishing
a challenge, fuck, I doubt I can hold out that long… So there, the guy who
never quits, blogs, writes, does podcasts, impossible challenges and has a stellar
diet also never believes in himself… Go figure… Maybe one of you can blog about
self-confidence?
I started P90X3 – “The Challenge” with more doubt than a guy
lending money to a family member… How could I possibly do it? In the end I
finished the set with 96 pull-ups and 212 push-ups in 30 minutes… Tony Horton
is a right bastard, but you don’t want to fail when he is pushing you. He is
one of those guys who could motivate a coma victim to run a marathon… He
doesn’t come out and say, “move your ass”, he just smiles at you and you feel
like you kinda need to move your ass…
Getting ready for work was impossible… After that monster of
an arm workout on zero desire, combing your hair and brushing your teeth? Not
so easy keeping your arms up and working…
So listen, I have my days where I would rather take a
fucking beating, be robbed at knifepoint, and then stabbed for complying with
the robbery than workout… We all feel like that. We all have those days but
what we must figure out is that we can make non-obligatory things just as
necessary as the required. I mean, you wake up feeling like dogshit and go to
work… You wake up feeling like walking death, but you promised your kids you
would take them to breakfast… You do those things because work is necessary,
and your kids are counting on you. So what separates some activities as
“important” while others are deemed “unimportant”?
I know, I know, work is compulsory and only a true asshole
disappoints their children with broken promises.
So my real question here is “why are you letting yourself
down?” When you tell someone you will take care of something, you do it. You
don’t say that you will do someone a favor and then go and make a choice about
whether you will complete the task. Even when circumstances change and it
becomes a pain in the ass, you do it… Why when we make a commitment to
exercise, or diet, or stopping a bad habit, or starting a good habit, something
as simple as “I don’t feel like it…” is a valid reason to blow it off? Can you
operate in the real world like that without consequences? Of course not. Break
promises to others and you will gain the distrust that you deserve. Break
enough promises to yourself and you lose the ability to respect yourself…
I was reading an article last night on why some people just
can’t get motivated… It was almost like an apology for the apathetic… “Maybe
you’re just not ready…” Well, maybe the only person in the world to get you
ready is you. I’m not being dismissive here… I wasn’t ready this morning. A
punch in the face sounded better than P90X3 because that would have lasted a
few seconds and I could have laid back down for an hour…
So if you’re not ready, get ready… By the way, if you’re
getting ready is contingent upon “feeling like it”, forget it, you will never
be ready. Just consign yourself to being average and lying about how you’re
not… You can end up like one of those guys who says “I pay my child support…”
Bragging about things like paying child support? Well that’s a sure sign you
should wear this t-shirt:
Please note that it comes in 17 colors and a 3/4 length sleeve baseball shirt style so you can be a fashionable, comfortable and colorful loser. I hear it takes the sting out of it...
So even though last night’s reading was for the most part
bogus, here is what I took away from it…
Make one goal: Don’t take on too much. Start
simple with something like drinking enough water and if you think that’s a
simple task, tell me again when it feels like you need to take a piss while
washing your hands right after taking a piss… Wait? You do wash your hands, right?
Statistically if you’re a female, you do but if you’re a male, the odds go way
down… You know my desk is right next to the men’s bathroom and I can always
tell. If I hear *flush* and in two
seconds or sooner, I hear the bathroom door open and close, I know there wasn’t
any hand washing occurring… Happens way more than it should so if you work with
me, avoid most of the men just to be safe…
Find Inspiration: Read blogs about your new
endeavor. Google it, read a book and educate yourself while you tackle it. Experts
succeed more…
Post your goal: Write that shit down and post
it on the wall. In big letters write “I’m going to drink a gallon of water
every day!” and put that shit where you cannot avoid it. Write it on the mirror
in the bathroom so you can see it when you wake up. Make the goal a tangible
thing.
Commit publicly: Yeah, just like I did. Like I
said, if I hadn’t opened my big mouth, I would have possibly failed this
morning and been working out at 10:00 PM tonight hating my life and then spent
the next few days adjusting my routines again. I tell those around me what I am
doing not for the praise but for the accountability. When someone asks me how
it is going, I would be ashamed to say “oh , I quit…” Fuck that.
Realize that you will have days where your goal feels
like your fucking enemy: On some days, water is going to gag you… On
somedays, it won’t be a problem at all… The ebb and flow of life change is a
necessary evil of the process… Anyone who has ever quit a bad habit knows that
some days you are easily eschewing and some days you are crying in a heap
wanting… The same process goes for starting a healthy habit… Some days you
attack exercise and some days you would rather take a sharp stick in the eye…
Or in my case, you just doubt from beginning to end and then when you finish,
you doubt the next day…
And finally…
Stick with it no matter what and celebrate your
continued success: You’re going to hate water… Then you will hate lemon
water… That will pass and you will become a person who drinks a gallon of water
a day and it won’t be a problem; it will be
habit… Change is difficult but be proud of yourself when you change and
use that pride to believe in yourself. You can change anything you want to
change. Consider the thought that if you can drink a gallon of water a day, you
can adjust your diet to be a little healthier and then write that shit down and
attack it… You will win…
Long day, short blog…
I hope I have that dream again…
Love ya…
Mean it…
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