If Blogger had the space for a tag line it would say, “When did self-care become meaningless buzz words?”
Today is an important re-occurring holiday in my life. Usually twice monthly, often sporadic and always self-declared, "BelongaBob Day" has become an important cornerstone of my health, sanity and well-being. This self professed holiday involves just one thing: Whatever the fuck Bob wants to do, Bob does… After the completion of my daily challenges, it usually involves television and some form of long term reclining, be it on the bed or on the couch… Yeah, even Superman takes a day off… I like to think of it as a “mini-mental vacation…” If you are a teacher, a counselor, social worker, therapist, health care professional, leader, educator, change agent, caregiver, parent or a purpose-driven entrepreneur, in other words, a person who gives a lot of yourself in service to the well-being, learning, and growth of others in some way – the practice of regular self-care while you care for others becomes an important balancing act. When your job requires empathy, understanding and listening to the needs and problems of others, burn out is a very real and very dangerous certainty.
Sadly, the term “self-care” has been denigrated to mean selfish. When did that happen? Relaxing is associated with guilt and even shame that you are taking the time away from family, work and other obligations to give yourself a break. Working out is wasting time because it doesn’t generate any capital and in fact, it costs money and time rather than produce tangible evidence of anything good for the culture. I will give you that the exercise industry has gone in directions that aren’t self-care anymore. Just go to Instagram and look at any “fitness influencer” and you can see that their version of personal care involves photo filters, self pressure and ascending to heights of perfection only achieved with photo manipulation and surgery… Fuck that, stop looking at them and maybe they will go away… Self care is exactly what it sounds like. If you were going to give someone a day to relax would it involve pressuring them to have a rounder butt, flatter abs or whiter teeth at the expense of their mental well being? Uh, no it wouldn’t… So, every now and then , take a day or an afternoon and masturbate, doze off and have a coconut latte while you stare at the wall… For those of you who do not masturbate or have trouble with the word, try it, god doesn’t care, he has way too many Instagram influencers asking him for help to worry about what you are doing with your genitals… I made a joke about it one day to someone and they got this weird look on their face and said “you still do that?” Yeah, there is an entire multibillion dollar industry to support me doing it and even if there weren’t chances are I still would… To quote the ever present Grandfather of mine, “It’s my soap and my dick and I will wash it as fast as I want to…”
Wow… That took a left turn, didn't it… But, hey, self-care is also self-defined and your self-care involves long showers, so be it… See how that works…
I live with a teacher… She lives with a mental healthcare worker and we both experience the brutality of constant human need. She works shaping the minds, egos and experiences of becoming an adult and I work with the people who have fallen through the cracks of society and live on the streets. The jobs are incredibly stressful. Dealing with the mentally ill homeless population really can suck the life out of you and for all of you out there who say things like “teachers get the summers off”, well you need beaten with a bag of oranges in a pillowcase… I don’t think teaching at the K-12 level is so much a job as it is a way of life. You’re entire being is a teacher and if you don’t believe that, think about this… You can look at just about any crowd and pick out the teachers… When someone introduces themselves as a teacher, don’t you just kinda think, “oh yeah, I can totally see that...”
So especially if you have one of these kind of empathy driven, soul sucking, life encompassing jobs, for fuck’s sake, find a way to unplug from the job, the day and yourself every now and then… I work with lots of people who never practiced self-care… They are commonly known as “homeless” and/or “mentally ill”. They are people who never got away from their stress and used drugs and alcohol to ease the pressures of their lives. Seriously, don’tcha think a hot bath once in a while is way better than being shirtless and yelling at traffic? By no means am I ridiculing these people, in fact, just the opposite. If you could hear the stories behind the slow descent into drug addiction and homelessness, it is shocking to think that it could be any one of us. So take note on that as I reiterate: Drugs and alcohol are not self care, they are self destructive… If you are using them to escape your stress, you’re totally doing it wrong… When you get stressed out and all you can think is, “I need a cigarette (drink, joint, pill…)!” you may have a problem, just saying…
So self-care is not over-used any more than talking about needing a job. You need a job to survive and you need self-care to survive that job. They are reciprocal. The give and take of this life shouldn’t be an all or one proposition, instead, practice the yin and yang of existence. Stress is unavoidable; working a job is unavoidable but think of yourself as a balloon. You can only get so full before you burst. Self-care releases that pressure and lets you recharge that battery so you can go out and face that child who has problems outside the classroom, or that client who is slip sliding around in their recovery, the family member who can’t go on… The people I listed earlier are the cornerstone of our culture. We are the rock that people cling to in the storms of life. They need us, and we are the ones who will stand with them even when our knees are buckling from the pressures they unintentionally place on us. Even when others think of it as selfish and inconsiderate, fucking ignore them and go do something that you love, or something mindless and personally rewarding. Do it without guilt, without shame and with all your heart… After all, it’s your time and your heart and you can love it as much as you want to…”
Happy BelongaBob Day! Make up your own holiday and celebrate the fuck of it!
Before I go here is a comprehensive list to help give you some ideas to practice self-care:
1. Whatever the fuck you feel like doing…
Love all you all! Totally mean it!
Personal challenges all done today except for the guitar and I’m saving that for later… Self care is exhausting and I may need to lie down first…
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