Day 23: Intrusive Thoughts For Your Early Morning Passive Aggressive Workout Routine...

After 23 days of The 90 Day Life Change Challenge, this morning the realization that I have 63 days left to go kind of descended on me like a wet, woolen blanket thrown on a small fire...  After considering some past blogs about believing in yourself, I had to laugh at myself for considering that as useful this morning. These blogs are no more than an attempt to construct a taxonomy of terms that could be useful when looking to survive long term suffering whether that suffering is self inflicted like self improvement challenges or involuntary afflictions like chronic illness, convalescing, or addiction recovery. Believing that you can work out when your body is aching from extreme training, or believing that you can get through your day when you are hallucinating from withdrawal and detoxification is ridiculous and you can call me out on it. There has to be something that is much more profound than belief or motivation or discipline when it comes to tenacity. I think that surviving these moments have more to do with what comprises the mindset of the person. There are tons of descriptive words including: stamina, determination, resolve, etc… All these words touch upon the core definition but I don’t think any of them are a definitive designation of what we are talking about. Let’s talk about a couple of examples here. Stu Mittleman, a 49-year-old father of two ran and walked an average of 52 miles a day for 57 days covering 3,200 miles from San Diego, California to Central Park in New York City. That is two marathons every day, an average of 16 to 18 hours of running a day. This is a clear cut case of a self-inflicted intense exercise challenge that would bring about great suffering. A good example of an involuntary affliction would be to choose any number of stage four cancer survivors given a very low chance of survival and defying the odds; they surprise everyone and thrive after a time of being on the edge of death. What sets these people apart from the conventional person? Mr. Mittleman runs unbelievable numbers of miles daily. His 1,000 mile Ultra-marathon in 10 days was just a warm up for running through 11 states in less than two months. The cancer patient, who refuses to be called a victim and sets in for a long fight that is filled with pain, suffering, chemotherapy, hair loss, weakness and weight loss. What gives these people the edge over 99% of the population? Is it belief? Is it motivation? Perhaps discipline gives them that edge? I think there is something deeper here, something possibly indefinable. For some, life is just what it is, a daily flow of navigating issues, handling problems and reacting to the timeline they feel like they never chose. For others, life is far more than just surviving the endless days. Life is an ethos, a chosen, philosophical and purposeful experience. Challenges are a given and survived challenges are a badge of honor. 

This is about personal protocols. I refuse to say that “some people got it and some people don’t” because that would be exclusionary and would imply that this trait cannot be learned. In fact, I believe it is learned. I don’t have enough time to discuss the psychology of that but I will say that some people get knocked down and they just lie there and develop a “self pity” mentality and some people get knocked down and they bounce back wearing a t-shirt that’s says “FUCK CANCER.” As I mentioned previously some aspects of this resilience are learned in the experience itself but I think that at the core, it is innate and maybe just inactive in some personalities.  If they are in fact instinctive, then we all possess the ability to foster it within ourselves. 

The person receiving the news that they have some form of stage four cancer has some options in their choices for treatment, but here is the catch, they do not have options in the choice of their initial reaction and this may give us some insight. Most respond with shock, grief, fear and then go through the stages of grief and generally accept that the future is murky and they either decide to fight or accept the prognosis. Others accept the diagnosis and immediately reject the prognosis. “You have “X” amount of months to live” has been said to quite a few people. Some accept that and make that their goal, others just say, “fuck you, you don’t know who you’re talking to.” The difference? Well, you can accept what the expert says and shoot for planning your life around the “final” three months, put your affairs in order, say your goodbyes and resign yourself to making it to 90 days… Then we have the other… They go to war immediately.   Like they are in the middle of one of those World War II movies where the planes are attacking the boat, the sirens are going off, and everybody is jumping out of their bunks and rushing on deck and all sorts of explosives are going off all over the place. The “gee whiz, what am I gonna do?” isn’t a consideration, because immediate reaction of survival kicks in. Call it resilience, toughness or simply the “I am not a victim” approach to life. 

Now, I said all that to say this. You have the ability to overcome built in. These are extreme examples of learned resilience but we learn from them and are able to apply them to everyday life by asking ourselves questions like: Mittleman ran 3,200 miles in 57 days, so why can’t I go to the gym three times a week? Or we can look at the Stage Four Cancer survivor and realize just how resilient humans can be. These are our examples and we may not be able to withstand the enormous amount of effort it takes to emulate them, we can do better than we are doing. 

I want to be one of those examples. Every day, I push myself to exercise extremes that I would not expect from anyone other than me. This is my experience, no one else. I don’t expect you to get up at 0530 at the ass crack of dawn to work out for an hour. I don’t think that everyone should map a 90 Day Life Change Challenge that incorporates every aspect of their physical, psychological and intellectual being. This isn’t for everyone, I know that… However, I do believe that most humans are not living up to the potential that THEY KNOW THEY HAVE… Yeah, sorry to point that out but your greasy little fingers give you away even if you hid the chicken nugget box under some paper towels in the trash can… You know what else gives you away even more? Your absolute dismissal of people who excel by telling yourself that “that’s just too much…” or “Yeah, some people have it and some don’t…” The reality is although I am over-performing, you (yeah, you…) are underperforming and not living up to your potential. How do I know? Every day, you plan on doing it later… You want to read more, you want to start walking or initiate Meatless Monday in your life. You plan on making more time for yourself, or for your kids, you feel guilty that you’re not doing these things… Hate to be the asshole who points out your shortcomings but when you know that your weight is out of control and you “plan” on doing something while your life and health suffer then maybe you should listen to yourself. I will take the hit and you can call me an asshole, tell me to mind my own business and I will absorb that “fuck off” because I stopped taking shit personally when I started taking responsibility for myself… Your negative reaction gives you away. Funny how that works… Eventually I want to write about how accepting criticism is actually a good thing. You don’t react negatively to criticism that isn’t true… If you called me lazy I would laugh… That’s a ridiculous accusation. Now if you called me overbearing I would consider that. I know my methods are profane and unorthodox and some might take them as officious or even a personal attack. Maybe I need to consider my approach and consider my audience. 

I am not condoning personal attacks here; let me make that perfectly clear. Calling someone names is not criticism.  “You are a selfish pig!” “You are a disgusting person!” “You are stupid and incompetent!” are all ignorant, cruel and unacceptable. If you are ever at the receiving end of such criticisms, try to realize that there is something wrong with the critic—with the person dishing out those remarks—not with you. A rational, grounded, sensible person does not resort to character assassination. Hence, whenever someone criticizes excessively in a hostile manner, consider that there is something psychologically wrong with them. Indeed, these irrational, ad hominem statements reveal a lot about the critic and nothing about the person being attacked. 

So when I say that people need to eat better, exercise more, sleep more and stop destructive habits, it is based on science, data, holistic heath ideals as well as personal experience. My recommendations aren’t random declarations or a personal attack.  

David Goggins, the extreme athlete that I mention every so often says that he has the 40% rule when it comes to judging endurance. He says that when you think that you can’t go any further, you’re actually only at about 40% max. I know, I know, that sounds extreme. Maybe he is insane, maybe not, but I have noticed in exploring that thought that it has merit… Not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically as well. Because I came to that realization, I can push further, withstand more and my endurance seemingly has no limits. 

This morning for example… Tired, sore, demoralized and kinda pissed off became realization, understanding, acceptance and then performance… There was no quit in me just because I wasn’t feeling like exercising. Granted, my performance was not world class this morning but somewhere in the middle of my first workout, I laughed at myself because I knew that regardless of how I felt, I would finish because I gave myself no choice. 

I am at war with myself, nothing else… When I want to beat my last time, it’s simply me competing against me. The vegan diet, the drug and alcohol abstinence, the extreme exercise and the 90 Day Life Challenge is my battle against mediocrity. It’s perfectly okay to be average but not all of us accept that. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Holding your life up in contrast to others is not the right thing to do but you can admire those that push their limits because they become the examples of human potential. The intelligent approach is comparing yourself to the person you were last week. Make a plan to become a better you and then mark the calendar… Then compare and contrast you then to the present you as you travel the timeline towards your goal. You all know the drill, make it SMART… Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time Bound… Google that one because I have bored you long enough and if you read this far and still like me, congratulations, you’re self aware… Now fucking get to work…

Still love you, all of you… Mean it!

See you tomorrow…