The title of this blog is a bit misleading, because every moment is an opportunity to either learn or to reinforce. Even though our experience of the moment can be fraught with difficulty, we have the power to turn every event, whether we judge it good or bad, into a learning opportunity. I know that sounds impossible because some events in our lives are simply devastating, and in the midst of our experience, the pain of it can be overwhelming, Still, think back on the most difficult parts of the journey through this life and ask yourself what you learned, how you got through them and what skills, like resilience or patience you developed as you weathered your personal storm.
The problems we face stem from our narrative about the moment: we are constantly interpreting things in a certain way, so that we don’t even notice that we have this interpretation or narrative. It is ALL about our mindset. Last night someone commented on my blog and said that they learned in an AA program that alcohol was 10% of the problem and the other 90% was attitude… I couldn’t agree more! The comment really hit home with me because the simplicity of the truth of that is astounding. There are days when you wake up with an attitude problem and not getting the water temperature correct in your shower just pisses you off… Other days, a whole host of things can go wrong and you can just laugh it off…
Now what if you turned it around? What if the situation was 10% of the problem and your attitude about it was 90% of the solution? Wouldn’t that make overcoming the problem so much easier?
I talk a lot about reframing in this blog. I think that is one of the greatest secrets of all time. The ability to adjust to the moment, evaluate and prioritize my experience to fit the severity of the problem I am faced with.
We tend to take the little things in life and think negatively about them. This is the definition of negative mindset. This is the mindset we have to escape…
For example:
If someone hasn’t returned my text message, I might interpret it as meaning that they’re upset with me in some way, and feel hurt or have trepidation and my mind may try to find reasons they are upset with me...
When someone asks a question, I can interpret that as a criticism of me, and get bothered by it. Again, my mind may construct reasons that they are asking questions to convince me that they are unhappy with me.
When I haven’t done all the things on my To Do List, I can interpret that as another sign that I’m doing things wrong, I have somehow failed and feel discouraged and guilty about that.
In any given moment, we have a narrative about that moment. A story, an interpretation, an evaluation and with a negative mindset, that story will determine our experience as unconstructive.
This morning, I was on set four out of five sets in my Half Murph and I stepped up to begin set four and I said to myself, “Let’s get this over with…” and as I started to bend for the set of Burpees, I suddenly stopped and I said, “No, No… Not "get it over with…" ” Instead I reframed that moment and said “Let’s do this!” and I smiled because I realized that all my patience, all my practice and all my discipline was paying off… I am starting to filter out all the negative bullshit that tries to defeat me and reframing it as ways to succeed with a better attitude.
Now when I start, I am never thinking about how I might not make it, or I won’t beat my thirty minute limit for the Half Murph or how much it hurts, sucks, etc… Instead I am realizing that I have never failed the thirty minute limit, I have never quit and I how much I actually enjoy a difficult, limit expanding workout.
My life is slowly turning around… Yours can too… I promise.
Here are some simple, yet powerful things you can practice:
You can drop the story and just experience the moment, exactly as it is…Instead of constructing that world where you might fail, you might get embarrassed or you might panic, you can create a more powerful story.
Let’s look at how to do that…
Experiencing the Moment As Is
Right now, stop reading and take a look around, you are surrounded by air, light, sound, objects, and life. This is the moment, just as it is. It isn’t negative and it isn’t positive, it simply is.
Now, you’ll immediately begin to interpret all of that, and create a narrative about it: it’s messy, that person is irritating, you haven’t done certain things, my neighbor is playing loud music, I shouldn’t be reading this blog, I have shit to do, and on, and on, and on…
STOP
Go back and simply drop that story and see the moment just as it is, without interpretation, without judgment, without letting your mind denounce, degrade or define anything. Even if you can only do it for a second, think of it like this… This is an exercise for your mental abilities and like all exercise; you start slow and build up. Consider this exercise as running. When you start, you walk, then you walk run, then you jog and then you run… Clear that negative out for just a second and you’re building resilience.
See it with beginner’s mind. With the eyes of a child seeing a cloud or tasting an orange for the first time, open to interpretation, but why bother, the moment is beautiful. Think of when you see a sunset, or a mountain, or majestic waterfall and how you just can’t think of any way to describe it. Just experience your moment that way, right now… As if it was a completely new experience.
You can practice this by going for a walk and on the walk; see if you can experience it afresh, without a narrative or evaluations. Just see the moment. Just experience the world directly, without a layer of interpretation. Bring curiosity to all of it. See the bird, see the clouds, watch the cars go by, this life is a marvel of things to experience and we miss it all because we are so wrapped up in this need to evaluate everything.
The goal of this is to drop the story that creates struggling and suffering. The effect gives directness to your experience. Removes a the layer of judgment and negativity and you can metaphorically “touch the moment” and plug into it.
Create a New, Powerful Story
Now I realize that it is impossible to go through life without a narrative and I am not asking you to do that. There are moments we can bring into our experience that are helpful, even powerful and train us to look deeper into our lives. The knee jerk reactions of life are fucking you up, no other way to say that. The only possible way to have those reactions is to live with your finger on the trigger of emotions and sadly, most of the planet lives that way and their emotions are frequently negative. A misunderstood statement can ruin a relationship; a comment can get you killed…
Now once you have dropped your old story, and just experienced life directly, here are some interpretations that I’ve found to be powerful:
Pure Wonder: It is possible to take moments in your life and just see everything around you as a miracle, wondrous and awe-inspiring. This is an appreciation for the incredible nature of life. It’s a practice of loving what is. Want to see a miracle, stop and think about what being alive means… Seriously, you don’t need LSD to notice your hand, babies do it all the time…
Gratitude: Similar to finding awe in everything, you can be grateful for what’s here in this moment, for us and others… This is not just appreciating what is there, but feeling grateful that you have it. Don’t say, well, at least I have this car and others don’t… Say “I am so grateful for what I have, I feel fortunate to be alive in this moment.”
Compassion: When you notice suffering in others or yourself, you can generate a wish for that suffering to come to an end, for the person to find peace and even happiness. You can look at your own suffering as problematic or you can see it as an opportunity to learn, grow and get wisdom to pass on to those in the same or similar situation. Show this compassion outward to others. This generates a caring feeling in the heart that adds something wonderful to the experience of this moment.
We are all interconnected: This is an appreciation that we are not isolated, but instead we are all supporting each other whether directly or indirectly. Consider the “Trembling Giant”, or Pando… An enormous grove of quaking aspens that take the “forest as a single organism” metaphor and makes it literal: the grove really is a single organism. Each of the approximately 47,000 or so trees in the grove is genetically identical and all the trees share a single root system. Everything we have is supported by many others even if we cannot see it.. Everything we do has an affect on others, and can be a positive or negative influence on others. An appreciation of this interconnectivity is a way to not take it for granted, and to do what we can to be a positively influence on other people because the effect will be universal even if we cannot see it.
You might have other stories that help you, stories of empowerment, of love, of generosity. After dropping the old stories and experiencing the moment directly, try these stories on and see how they affect your experience.
Congratulations on stepping up and working on your negativity and anger, it will reverberate through everything…
With this kind of practice, you can create a beautiful experience in any moment.
I love you guys like that I used to love that weird curly fry in the bottom of the regular fries...
Have a great day... It's all on you..
The 90 Day Life Change Challenge update... Fuck, I'm killing it... I love this shit... Still 100% for the week, teaching a great class on exercise and reframing for positivity this morning and I know I will succeed in helping someone... They don't have a choice, the universe is bringing them to me...
See you... I wonder what we will learn tomorrow?
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