Day 49: The Endless Possibilities of Genuinely Liking Yourself...

When I talk to people about fitness, diet or making changes in their lives I get this underlying message that people feel like that there is something wrong with them…  Now, it isn’t that they come right out and say “there’s something wrong with me” but their language expresses it. People will say that their problem is that they want to be more disciplined, more focused, better at sticking to their health habits, better at finances, more mindful … So there is this wanting to be "more" of something, or "better" at something. They tell me, "I am not disciplined enough..." or "I am not focused enough..." Inevitably, they are saying that they try their best, but come up short. All of their efforts can’t solve the fundamental flaw of that suspicion that they will never be good enough. 

The most heartbreaking thing is that nothing could be farther from the truth. Nothing is wrong with us. The constant holding of ourselves up to the super-fit, the people who seem never to fail and the ones we admire as almost perfect is a travesty… The truth is, you are enough… You are whole, and you are beautiful… 

Where do these thoughts come from? 

As children we thought we were awesome and we felt whole with the world, that we could be firemen, or policemen, or doctors or whatever we imagined… The world belonged to us… Somewhere along the way between innocence and adulthood, we got the message that we should be more. We should work harder, be more disciplined, be more beautiful, be better. We ceased  thinking we could be anything we wanted and start thinking about how to fit in, be useful and become part of the machine…  Although they meant well, these thoughts came from our parents, other relatives, school, peers, media, and church. Everyone gave us this message, because everyone has bought into the fundamental agreement that we all should be better, more productive, more of everything. These thoughts are rooted in religion, in consumerism, and in the fundamental fabric of our society.

It’s a flawed message, but it’s everywhere. We can feel it when we open social media and see all the ways other people are doing or looking better than us. That makes us feel worse, and reinforces our belief in our feelings of “less than…” 

Well… In typical “me” fashion, I’m forced to say it…

Bull-fucking-shit... It’s all bullshit… You believe a self harming lie that has been handed to you from your culture… Listen up, your feelings of worthlessness, self hatred, failure and insignificance are all nonsensical based on standards that don’t even really exist and perpetuated by self loathing assholes who hide their insecurity behind a veil of snapshots on an Instagram account that have been altered to the point of deceit so profound that looking at them really makes you doubt your own self doubt…

Time to break that cycle…

Do you remember when you were about six or seven years old?  You were playing, imagining, creating, connecting with others and the world around you, full of joy and wonder and life. When people asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, your answer was spontaneous, impulsive and sometimes brash but always truthful because, well, because you believed in yourself… This is the feeling of wholeness with the world, the feeling of accepting yourself. 

It’s still there, inside you, but it’s covered in all the agreements you’ve taken in from the world around you that you’re flawed. Those agreements have been reinforced and set in concrete as covenants, but you can break them and form new agreements not with the world, but with yourself.

Start right now, and believe that the most important new agreement is that you are whole, you are loved, and you must believe most adamantly that you are enough. Say it… Close your eyes, and say it… “I am enough…”

Like Stuart Smalley, you are in fact, good enough, strong and doggone it, people do like you… We are locked in this self imposed prison of “never quite enough” and it has to stop… You can’t sit down and not have some sort of fold in your midsection… You’re human, not an advertisement for Aéropostale… Sometimes your bangs will be crooked, you might have something in your teeth and we are all awkward at times, say stupid shit and even, *gasp!*, might embarrass ourselves so badly that we look around and hope a black hole will open up and swallow up our existence… Who cares? It’s a universal occurrence… Think about it this way… Being embarrassed about being occasionally embarrassed or awkward is like being uncomfortable about having forearms… Everyone has them… So what’s the problem? 

Since it Sunday, I will let you go early but let’s get started on help for your transformation before I go… How about a couple of recommendations just launch the new you...

1. Practice kindness and friendliness with yourself. This is fundamental in beginning your new transformational practice: Start looking at yourself with gentleness and friendliness. Just like you might look at a loved one with the same feelings, or light up with warmth when you see one of your best friends. Now experience that same feeling turned around and applied to you. If not all the time, how about as much as you can? Whenever you look at yourself or something you’ve done, turn on the warm light of self care. Let go of the old ways of harshness, and transform it into compassion and affection. What would it be like to do this consistently? I know liking yourself is anathema in our culture but fuck ‘em, think about it, what if you blatantly liked you? What if you lit up your own room when you walked in? What if you were interested in your own thoughts, concerns and feelings? This has been demonized as egoistic but egoists don’t have the same concern for others that they have for themselves. I’m not telling you to hold yourself above others but I am demanding that you love, respect and honor yourself like you would anyone else that you trust, love and admire. This isn’t selfishness, its fucking self-preservation at the very least…  Let yourself off the hook and give it a rest… Forgive yourself for any failures or mistakes that you have committed in the past and move on. Be compassionate towards yourself.

2. Stop holding yourself up to the standards of others… Social media is a lie, culture is a lie and judgments from others aren’t death sentences, they’re opinions from insecure assholes trying desperately to mask their own self loathing… Let them judge, most of their judgment exists only in your head anyway, most people are too busy hating themselves to be concerned with your panic attacks…  Do you really think that the person judging you has any power other than what you allow them to have? Listen, if you don’t like my self-confidence and you write it off as arrogance, what the fuck do I care? You know all those memes and quotes about eliminating the negative people in your life? Yeah, that… Do that… 

What if, really, what if you enjoyed your own company as much as you enjoyed the company of a loved one? What if going out wasn't a time to impress others? What if your life wasn't about fear? 

Get started... The clock is ticking and nobody wants their last thought to be "what the fuck was I thinking?"

Well Happy Sunday everyone and I hope you enjoy the day! I will see you tomorrow because again, I don’t a choice and I really kinda enjoy letting my thoughts escape…  It’s empowering…

I love you guys like I love coffee but please don’t make me prove it…

The 90 Day Life Change Challenge update… Up on time, wrote an epic poem this morning and in between thoughts while wrote this blog, I played some very pretty, calming guitar… Have quite a bit to do today but it all feels secondary to my feelings of well being…  I’m doing well, thank you for asking…