Short one today… Birthday at my house so preparation for celebration demands precedence over manuscription…
However… Two thoughts arise today that demand attention… Yesterday, as I was writing, my brain decided to alert me to the fact drink way too much coffee… So this sword cuts both ways folks. I am a work in progress and the things I am writing about come back to haunt me all the time…
So yeah, while I am recommending that everyone listen to that quiet voice of truth, my starts talking to me and guess what? I had an argument with it…
Rational Me: You drink too much coffee…
Irrational Me: Hey, I work out, eat right, and take care of myself…
Rational Me: You drink too much coffee….
Irrational Me: Listen, I don’t drink it after 3:00 PM…
Rational Me: You drink too much coffee….
Irrational Me: My sleep patterns have really improved and I’m not experiencing any issues with my coffee intake…
Rational Me… *sigh* You drink too much coffee…
Irrational Me: I get up at 5:21 AM to work out, I need that coffee…
Rational Me: So drink one cup, not one pot…
Irrational Me: *silence*
Rational Me: You drink too much coffee and you know it…
Irrational Me: fuck… Alright…
Now you can laugh all you want but this is so close to the truth it’s frightening… My inner monologues about self-improvement look just like this conversation. For the last two months, I have consumed 12-15 cups of coffee a day… I had many ways to conceal that from myself because I knew that was way too much… My giant cup of coffee was actually three cups (24 ounces) of coffee three to four times a day… On top of that, at 5:21 every day I drink a pre-workout drink that has 100 mg of caffeine to kickstart my early morning exercise…
This monologue started months ago as my caffeine intake has risen to unacceptable, unhealthy levels. Now I didn’t do the math because I knew that doing that would lead to me stopping and I didn’t want to stop. Like anyone else, I wanted to hang on to the boost that caffeine gave me.
Then I wrote that blog and the two edges sword of trying to help others came back to slice into me...
Then on my lunch hour I went to REV Nutrition for some supplements and a body scan… I discussed with the sales guy that the pre-workout mix I was using didn’t have the kick because like anything, my tolerance levels had risen, and I wanted to switch products. He recommended a product but warned me that the caffeine levels were high and I would need to be careful… He went silent when I laughed and told him that I was drinking the pre-workout drink plus three cups of coffee during my first workout. He said “dude, that’s dangerous…” You see, the real problem is that I already knew that, I just never did the research so that I had clinical definitions and related possible problems so I would be forced to reduce my caffeine intake to safe levels…
That is a classic case of denial as a defense mechanism… I knew that I was doing something not only unhealthy but at my age, very dangerous… So yesterday I did the math…
Each cup (8 ounces) of coffee has 91mg of caffeine…
5:21 AM / 100mg caffeine from pre-workout supplement
5:45 AM – 6:15 AM / 273mg intake during workout
7:30 AM – 10:00 AM / 273mg intake during work morning
11:00 AM – 12:00 PM / 273mg intake pre-lunch
2:00 PM – 3:00 PM / 273mg Finish Pot afternoon
Being painfully honest here now… the pre-workout and first 910mg are on an empty stomach… I fast every day from 6:00 PM until Noon the next day… My excuse? Well caffeine is an appetite suppressant…
I think I should be dead… Every single day I have consumed 1,183mg of caffeine… Sometimes I even went to Starbucks and finished up my home brewed coffee while I was waiting in line for my Starbucks…
Last night after my inner monologue also reminded me that when I was a child, I watched my neighbor die from stomach cancer that his doctor claimed that was caused by drinking a pot of coffee a day for a decade… That guy was never without a cup of coffee…
So let’s take a quick look at this again… Just for a quick re-cap…
I knew…
My inner monologue reminded me…
I had the information I needed and ignored it…
A myriad of excuses let me continue even in the face of evidence…
Then, when faced with the simultaneous inner monologue, outside confirmation from an expert and the remembrance of a death led to the final surrendering to doing the research and gaining the tangible evidence that I should have gathered long ago…
Last night, I told my wife that I would be limiting myself to 273mg of caffeine a day… When I told her that my intake had become dangerous, she scolded me and then told me that she was proud of me for my dedication to my health…
So there ya go… I have trouble listening to that inner voice just like everyone else…. On my way to work this morning, I sipped my coffee instead of gulping it and my work coffee pot sits empty and cold. This is going to be a long ass day…
That second thought…
One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in my life occurred to me recently… If you are waiting for circumstances to change… Waiting for the economy to change… Waiting for your paycheck to get bigger because you are relying on a raise to come through… Waiting for SOMETHING to change… Listen to me, nothing will change until you do. If you want change in your life, you must be the agent to change yourself. When you change, EVERYTHING will change for you and when you get better, your entire life will get better.
Add value to your life and others will find you more valuable. You must work on yourself more than any other project because you are the foundation for all of it. How powerful your life is depends entirely on how healthy, focused, holistically well you are. Take time every day to work on you no matter what the cost. Imagine yourself as a structure that’s sits on a strong foundation and no matter what comes along, you will weather the storm without damage. Get strong. Be strong. Stay strong.
Today and the rest of this week and maybe next week I will struggle to adjust from toxic levels of caffeine and the energy that it produced to a natural energy… I’m guessing that my broken sleep patterns will normalize, and I will wake up with energy instead of pouring a pot of coffee into my body…
This life is a work in progress and if you continue to learn, continue to gain knowledge, and have the courage to apply that knowledge then stopping you will not be possible…
In the words of Dave from 2001: A Space Odyssey… “Something is going to happen… Something wonderful…”
Well Day 32 now has the addendum Day 1 of coffee reduction… I feel like perhaps I should have stepped down from 1200+mg of coffee to the 373mg… The jitters, teeth grinding, shakes, blurred vision and brain fog have already started… Even though this is hard, it’s a faster method to detoxification and feeling better. I would much rather go through a week of this than a month of withdrawals…
Exercise was strange without the extra kick of caffeine and I imagine tomorrow will be the worst yet. I get the second Moderna COVID19 vaccine today… Everyone is suffering on the second dose… Time will tell, but if I have to do a pushup, take a nap and then do a pushup 100 times, so be it…
What? Stubborn? Me? Nah…
Have a beautiful day… Love ya, mean it…
See you tomorrow…
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