I would venture to say that 90% of the time, in a time of decision, a human knows what they need to do. Be it a relationship problem, a health issue, a work situation, and just about anything that requires a decision that would alter the course of a life. Now what keeps a person from making that decision without first consulting someone else? Is it fear? Do we suspect that our own judgment, based on our own experience can’t possibly be correct and we need to check with someone else to make sure that we are on the right track? Are we asking for permission? Perhaps we should review the choices we have made in the past that led us to the situation we are currently facing? It might be that “I’m in a bad relationship because of decisions I made in the past and now I am faced with this set of circumstances and I now need to check with someone else to make sure that I am choosing a more correct path…”
Ridiculous and here is why…
An alcoholic faces disaster because of their drinking… Now faced with the reality of a lifetime of catastrophic decisions, of which they never asked any advice AND they knew that those decisions were adversely affecting them, suddenly they need advice? I don’t think so… Either you need help and you know and you’re going to go get it, or you’re looking for someone to tell you that everything is fine and you can continue your behaviors and still hold your life in the road as you drunkenly travel along…
The first decision doesn’t require any asking for anything other than help… The alcoholic who owns his behavior and addiction goes to a source, either in person or through self help and finds solace in ownership of their problem and seeking solutions to that problem. Their only questions are based on the designated path of support that they have chosen. These questions are based on a lack of information like “what do I do when I am overwhelmed with my addictions?” and answers are targeted towards that specific part of recovery.
When we seek out others who are not knowledgeable about recovery from addiction, like your friend Jim, who also happens to be an alcoholic… This inquiry most of the time is framed to allow yourself to continue your destructive path… “Hey Jim, I have been thinking lately that I need to slow down on the drinking…” to which Jim replies, “Well Bob, let’s slow down this week and get our bearings. You know, make sure we still have control of ourselves…” Jim enables Bob and Bob enables Jim… Neither wants to quit but both suspect they might have a problem… Birds of a feather flocking and all that… That friendship is based not only on drinking, but on the everlasting arms of leaning on one another to continue. Bob loses his license, Jim drives… We all know some “friends” who have gone down together… They were not asking one another for help outside of “help me not have to face my addiction…”
It’s all right in front of us… Bad relationship? Don’t ask your friends what you should do… You know what to do… Ask them for help to do what you need to do, but as far as “hey WHAT should I do?” Listen, that’s your decision… You’re just looking for a reason to blame someone else for your stupidity… When you know what to do and don’t, it’s on you… When you drink too much and you know you need to quit so you choose a person who you know will not put any pressure on you… You ask them what you should do and they say, maybe you should cut down or reduce your drinking. Perfect! Now you can continue drinking against your better judgment and when you fail, the fault lies with their poor decision and is not your responsibility.
Red flags…
Thank god for the red flags in your life but listen carefully, they eventually go away if you ignore them long enough. This last year has birthed 10,000 memes about the weight gains of staying home. They have also allowed us to laugh about the 5, 10, 20… pounds we have gained. What has become known as the “Quarantine 19” has affected 71 million Americans in the last 12 months… Memes aside, this is no laughing matter, in fact, it is an existential threat to all of us. Before this all started, an alarming 60% of us were already overweight and 30% of us were obese and in jeopardy of a myriad of health problems. Think about that. If one out of three people are unhealthy, then throw the elderly on top of that, and then you have a situation where the healthcare system has a burden that cannot be sustained for very long. Still another one out of three aren’t obese, but will suffer from heart problems and other ailments related to carrying too much weight… That leave one person out of three healthy…
So what are these red flags?
Let’s say I am 15 pounds overweight… My body is already struggling to maintain a balance. I know that because I can feel it, the doctor has mentioned that I need to lose weight and I am absolutely sure that I need to seek a healthier path. I also know that I want to call Dominoes Pizza… So there I am thinking about a pizza while my rational self screams that I need to go in the kitchen and make some rice and steam some vegetables... This is a red flag in your life… Again, you know what to do, but you are choosing to make wrong decisions… So you go online, see a dozen or some memes about weight gain during the pandemic, read a few dozen comments laughing about the issue and decide, well, there are dozens of people I know in the same boat and Dominoes Delivers and it’s late and you don’t want to cook, and, and, and… Red flags waving, you do the opposite of what you know to do… You didn’t even need to call anyone, the internet delivers memes ad comments that you needed for free.. Fuck, that’s way better than Dominoes and you didn’t have to tip anyone for your enabling… Now if you ignore your inner voice long enough, you can drown it in cheese and grease and become a burden on not only yourself and your family, but you can put a burden on all of us to take care of your self-inflicted disease riddled body… Don’t worry, there is a pharmaceutical company out there just waiting for you to get heavy enough to give you a pill that might cause a side effect like “hot dog fingers” and you can eat those too while you ride around on a Rascal Scooter that also is waiting on your legs to either give out from the weight they carry or be cut off by a surgeon because of diabetes… Ignoring red flags leads to one thing folks… Misery…
Ignore your smokers hack? Lung Cancer… Ignore your acid reflux disease? How about some healthy food instead of esophageal Cancer? Ignore that alarming weight gain? Have some diabetes, I mean hell, it’s just pricking your fingers every day and injecting yourself with insulin.. In fact, you can get some sort of cyborg implant that will monitor it for you and tell you when to inject the insulin and keep enjoying those milkshakes that you haven’t really enjoyed for so long you can’t remember when they gave you any actual pleasure…
Yeah… Ouch… People call me mean… Can’t blame them… But you know what? I had to get tough with myself… I had to get honest with me. My problems were mine… Food, lazy, drugs, alcohol, no focus, no direction and no future that had any worth… My fault entirely… I owned it… How did I own it? By getting tough with myself… Honest fucking sucks man… I think my hard-ass, no excuse attitude comes from a few things… The Marine Corps, my fighting days and that fucking car accident… There was no excuse in the Marines… Do it or die trying… The training to fight wasn’t a “well, today I don’t think I want to…” situation unless I wanted my face beat in… The car accident? Well, that’s another story… When you are maimed, it’s a decision to get up or stay down… I don’t like down… Now put obese instead of the Marines… Same deal, lose the weight or die… Put addiction in the place of training to fight… You cannot take a day off from recovery… You see, in order to overcome, there have to be imperatives… If you are going to pursue a better life, the first thing you must do is throw away comfort… You have to stop placating yourself with lies about why it’s okay to drink too much, eat too much, not exercise, watch television instead of read… You have to say you are guilty and take the responsibility for your poor habits and either replace them or annihilate them. You have to go to war and listen, war is hell and no one enters combat by easing into it and taking a break when it gets too hard… Going to war means all in, all or nothing and struggling until you win… You can’t “call it a draw” with addiction or obesity because neither of those things has anything to offer you that would make it an even trade…
So let’s get a little positive here and if you have read this far you’re probably ready to start…
Since I know you already know what to do, here are a few things you could focus on…
• Find the positive part of your life…
• Eating healthier…
• Being more physically active…
• Improving your mental health…
• Losing weight…
• Being more productive…
Start slow, concentrate on what you can handle alone and seek out help for those things you can’t… Stop looking at others and measure your success on your level… Seeking out photo-shopped Instagram morons who preach at you to look like them is not possible… First you have to be incredibly narcissistic and you have to waste a lot of time learning software to make yourself appear perfect... Eat one healthy meal a day… Take a walk… Stop and appreciate the moment… Ease up on the television and for fuck’s sake; stop looking at Facebook, that shit is robbing you of valuable time… Read a little every day even if it is just an audible book… Take time and spend it with your friend, parent, sibling or significant other… Do it on Face Time or some other platform if necessary but do it… Take five minutes to stare off in the distance because if you don’t your life is a shame… Listen to the Counting Crows, Adam Duritz knows about mental health issues… Seek help if you need to, whether you want to or not… And finally, STOP IGNORING THE RED FLAGS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ITS YOU WARNING YOU… If you saw someone riding towards a cliff, even if you didn’t like them you would warn them, you like yourself and why wouldn’t you scream out in terror that you’re endangering yourself?
Now, I have read hundreds of self help books and the best ones beat the shit out of you, sometimes humiliate you, and then at the end, they hug you and ask if you are okay…
So hugs… Be okay, you know how…
Love you, mean it…
See you tomorrow…
Day 36 Life Change Challenge Update… Up before the sun, exercise was brutal today… I wholeheartedly believe that The Eccentric Upper workout for P90X3 is the single cruelest workout that there is on the workout cycle market… I highly recommend it… Coffee addiction is in check, the headache I have had for three days is now gone… Alcohol is no longer a problem as is any recreational drug use… I am in a good place and I like it here… Clear head, lots of energy, wake up before my alarm, feeling positive… Sobriety sucks in some ways but I don’t think I will return to that life. Including today, I have 55 days to go… Thankful to have made it this far and grateful for the endless possibilities of my future…
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