Sunday, February 7, 2021

DAY 28: Week Four: Celebration and a Time to Double Down....


Philosophically, when we seek to better ourselves, we are in fact seeking a higher plain of existence, a better life, and a new operational construct.  In order to travel this road to our definition of success, we mark milestones along the way. Usually these milestones are time based, for instance the person seeking sobriety may mark time in increments of days at the onset, then moving to weeks, months and finally, years of sobriety. Today I mark 28 days, or one month of sobriety and the dual quest of not only becoming sober, but enhancing my life on multiple levels. Experts will tell you that 90 day challenges have milestones that they call “levels” of achievement at designated times along the journey. Level One at Day Three, Level Two at Day Seven, Three at 14, etc… These levels denote symbols of success and psychological “celebration” points for the sojourner to stop and reflect on the time passed, the new way of being and as a tool to steel oneself to continue. For those of us who have reached these points, we are aware that they are where pride is experienced and resolve is strengthened and we can gain a sense of what it will feel like to finish. But we also have to stop at these points and ask ourselves, what are the most universal challenges to attaining this new way of being?  How do I move forward and keep momentum without falling prey to my own weaknesses and pride? Here is a list of some top challenges we face as we traverse our chosen challenges and how to conquer them.

1. Losing Focus 

Most of us reading this have many goals in life and some are reading while in the midst of meeting the challenge to attain those goals. As an example, I have mentioned several times in this blog over the weeks that I have wanted to learn to play the guitar. It’s been a lifelong goal of mine and over the years, I have been start/stopping my lessons while life took precedent over my goal. In the beginning I would learn some chords and practice three to four times a week and then something happens where I’m not making progress and childishly I would make an excuse or two and then time between practice sessions would grow longer and longer until the guitar would wind up back in the case and under the bed or in the back of the closet so it wasn’t out in the open and accusing me of not being played… I found myself getting busy at work or some life emergency happened to redirect my attention and I would fail to get back to it for months or even years. It is easy to lose focus of long-term goals by the sheer virtue of them being long-term. Remember my blog last week that the reason people fail is that their goals are long term and hard as hell to attain? Well, this is one of those types of goals for me. So what do we do here? The best thing that you can do is try not to lose focus in the first place. If at all possible, don’t skip your scheduled lessons during times of difficulty. Working on your goal, staying focused on your goal, can actually help minimize the stress you feel during the difficult times. If you do find yourself losing focus, just get back to it as soon as you realize it! Make your goal a fucking priority, practice when you don’t feel like it, practice through your apathy, practice when you are sick, practice, practice, practice… There have been days in the last month when I have wanted to defenestrate the guitar I own… There have also been moments when guitar practice was so amazing, I got a little verklempt and these are the times I work for, concentrate on and count on that they will happen more and more as I practice conscientiously. Sometimes I can only muster ten minutes but I sit down and focus and make those minutes count. When you are losing focus, refocus and make your goal important to you again.

2. Letting the negative mindset of Imposter Syndrome creep in on you…

So there I was feeling good, I met my challenges for the day, my goals are in forefront of my mind and I believe they are attainable…I’ve got life by the balls… Then all of the sudden out of nowhere, some crazy thought like “hey dude, who the fuck are you to be writing about success?” It’s almost like being hit by a car and believe me, I’ve been hit by a car and I know… Using the escape pod of challenging yourself to get the fuck away from your own miserable life is really hard. Rising above your bad habits, negative thoughts and impulses, and seeking to better yourself is a steep climb. Even when you win, your brain will try it’s best to stop you because seeing yourself as “needing improvement” isn’t easy. Critical thinking about your appetites, actions and lackadaisical lifestyle takes courage and escaping it takes really hard work. Whenever I feel that voice start to take me down, I let it know I am worthy to do this. I am allowed to be proud of myself and although there are people out there who will not agree with me, they don’t matter. I will listen to their opinions of course because they might have something to teach me about myself, but mainly, haters just teach one thing… They are assholes with self esteem problems that are just jealous of your new mindset. Now here is something you may be able to use… Don’t be your own hater, you’re not an asshole and you deserve self praise for meeting goals, achieving milestones and it’s perfectly okay to be proud of yourself…

3. Letting toxic people control you…

You know who they are and you know what I am talking about… Best way to deal with them is to cut them out of your life and let them go shit on someone else. They are shitting on you mostly because you let them and you want to avoid confrontation. But while you are weathering their toxic storm, you are taking on the water of their negativity and sooner or later, they will take you down. Now I know, you may be dealing with a toxic family member, coworker or even a boss that you cannot simply dismiss from your life. If you are interested, here is an interesting article in Psychology Today to deal with them tactfully and keep your healthy mindset by taking power over them. But seriously, if it was me, I will meet your negative ass head on and the collision will not be pretty. I value my healthy, positive and progressive mind way more than familial ties or "necessary" relationships. Toxic people go down fast because they are already weighed down with their own negative self image and like all bullies, they are usually more bluff than action. Even if you meet one of these people head on and they win, what did they win? They get to continue their miserable existence and they get to do it without you… That doesn’t sound like winning to me... More than once I have heard stories about toxic people driving someone out of there life and keeping their status while the person they tormented has lost their job, or been driven from a family only to later hear that the person driven out was presented with profoundly better opportunity. Losing is always an opportunity to be better.

There are many more challenges than I can possibly list here but overcoming them all have a similar construct. Diligence, recognition, and a plan to confront them for what they are, threats to your goal to change for the better.

Now get to work, daylight is burning…

So here it is, 10:30 on a Sunday and The 90 Day Life Change Challenge is completed for the day except for the guitar… Hmm… The super Bowl is on today and I have to get some other stuff done… Maybe I should put off the guitar for the day, just to make room for that other stuff and give myself a much needed break… My fingers are so sore anyway and they need a day to heal…

Now, right now I’m making excuses, contemplating being lazy and letting negative thoughts creep up on my goals… I really have only one recourse here and that is to look myself firmly in the eye, take a deep breath and say, “fuck off, get your guitar or I will make you do Burpees during the Super Bowl…”

Have a beautiful day, Go Bucs!

Love every one of you and I hope all of you make goals and succeed!

See you tomorrow…






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