Day 78: Stop Absorbing the Negative Emotions of Other People...

If you’ve ever had to spend some time with a negative person, you know how quickly you can start to take on that negative mentality. You may even be aware that the negativity is creeping into your mind and stopping it feels like an impossible task. Have you ever felt that you wish you had known how to protect yourself from negative energy?  If you are feeling overwhelmed from taking on the negative energy of others, there is a way to stop it from happening.

If you truly desire emotional freedom, that means learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world. Since emotions such as fear, anger, and frustration are energies, you can potentially “catch” them from people without realizing it. If you tend to be an empath, or an "emotional sponge", it’s vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual’s negative emotions or the free-floating kind of "mob rules" mentality found in crowds.

Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially those with similar pain and in addition to that, negative emotions can originate from several sources and besiege you and what you’re feeling may be your own as it may be someone else’s or it may be a combination.

Let's talk about how to tell the difference and strategically bolster positive emotions so you don’t shoulder negativity that doesn’t belong to you.

To detach from other people’s negative emotions and protect yourself:

1. Guard Your Time

Negative people can monopolize your time even when they're not with you if you’re not careful. It's easy to spend two hours dreading a one hour meeting with a negative person. Combine that with two hours of venting and fuming after that meeting, and you've just given that person five precious hours of your time.

Don’t allow negative people to steal your time and energy. Rather than complain about people you don't enjoy, choose to strike up conversations about pleasurable topics. Similarly, instead of spending your time thinking about how much you dislike that person, turn on your phone and listen to music that reduces your stress or listen to your favorite motivational speaker. Take back your power by limiting the amount of time you spend talking about, thinking about, and worrying about unpleasant people because fuck them, they aren't worth the pain they cause you.

2. Choose Your Attitude

Spending time with negative people can be the fastest way to ruin a good mood. Their pessimistic outlooks and gloomy attitude can decrease our motivation and change the way we feel in a matter of minutes and allowing a negative person to dictate your emotions gives them too much power in your life. Make a conscious effort to choose your attitude. Create a mantra, such as, “I’m going to stay positive today despite the people around me,” and repeat it often to help you stay on track. Take a deep breath and decide that you're going to make it a great day, despite what others say or do. Develop an attitude that is bullet proof to these people and their negative onslaught... 

3. Refocus and Reframe Your Thoughts

Negative people often influence what we think about. Say your negative person is at your place of employment... Perhaps you're so distracted by your colleague's know it all attitude that you can't contribute productively to your other co-workers. Or, rather than thinking about how to improve your performance, you spend more time thinking about how upset you'll be if that unpleasant co-worker gets under your skin any further. By the way, they are already under your skin far enough if you're thinking about them getting under your skin... 

Pay attention to how your thoughts change when you're faced with negative people. The more time you spend dreading, fretting, worrying, and rehashing, the less time you'll have to devote to more productive things. Make a conscious effort to reduce the amount of mental energy you expend on negative people. Throw them out of your head, it may sound complicated, but it really isn't... Admonish yourself for letting it bother you. Find out where the negative energy is in your body. Is it in your shoulders? Relax them purposefully... Are you clenching your jaw? Relax it purposefully... Breathe deeply, relax, tell yourself to think about other things... Do this until the feelings pass. 

4. Choose to Behave Positively

Negative people can bring out the worst in us if we're not careful. Sometimes certain pessimists seem to have the power to raise our blood pressure, for one reason or another.  A normally calm, mild-mannered person may resort to yelling when he can’t take one more second of negativity. Or, after being surrounded by negative co-workers for hours, an optimist may find herself feeling as much or even more negative than those around her.

Although it can be tempting to say, “She makes me so mad,” blaming others for your conduct gives them more power. When you act in a manner that isn’t consistent with your usual behavior, accept responsibility for it. Commit to controlling your emotional reactivity and staying true to your values, despite your circumstances. When you find yourself in a negative state of mind, explore it and reframe it as soon as possible.

5. Seek Out Positive People

It’s difficult to look on the bright side when you’re surrounded by negativity. Seek out positive people to keep you balanced. Just like negative people can rub off on you, a positive person can brighten your spirit. Identify the positive people in your life. Proactively schedule time with them on a regular basis. They really won't mind, after all, they're positive people... A quick lunch with a happy friend or a family gathering that’s guaranteed to be filled with laughter can help you stay on track. Find a friend who shares your desire to be positive and make them a text buddy... A quick text to a positive friend, family member or co-worker can change everything. Someone else in the world wants to share your positive attitude! Embrace that!

Decide that you're not going to allow negative people to determine how you think, feel, and behave. Take back your power and focus your time and energy on becoming your best self.  You will always have some negative asshole in your life somewhere, be it at work, the store or waving their angry fist (or middle finger) at you in traffic... Best thing to do when they pop up is put a sharp stick in their eye, but since you obviously cannot do that, I recommend that you ignore that you ignore them, turn up the music, smile and be proud of yourself for not joining them in their negative nonsense... Then text your accountability partner and demand they praise you, they will, because they understand...

The 90 Day Life Change Challenge update... After traveling to Los Angeles, skating half the day, eating food I did not cook and getting home late, I FELT LIKE HELL THIS MORNING... Legs hurt, back hurt, groggy and really fucking tired... Started 15 minutes late, did the first few burpees like a 90 year old with a bad hip and would have rather sucked a bag of dicks than worked out for two hours..  A quick list of the thoughts generated by my brain include but are certainly not limited to:

1. No one would blame you for quitting, you feel absolutely terrible... 

        Answer: I have felt worse and worked out...

2. Your back hurts and it may be a serious injury, you should rest your back and do it later today...

        Answer: I stretched out my back before I worked out and that's why I started 15 minutes late...

3. You should rearrange your workout schedule, that will help...

        Answer: What? Shut the fuck up...

4. How about delaying SOME of the routine until tonight?

        Answer: How about you shit and fall back in it?

After I started doing those burpees, my negative brain fell silent and I listened to the music and did my workout, changed gears and did my squat challenge, then push-ups and then P90X3 Decelerator and then down shifted to meditation and all the racket in my head stayed silent... I was pretty proud of myself for doing that after waking up feeling like warmed over death... It truly helped my day be pretty damned good...

Have a good one... I will see you tomorrow, after a good nights sleep and that's for damned sure...

Love you all like a former Marine loves to use profanity... I can't believe I said "bag of dicks" in my blog but I am absolutely delighted that I did...