Day 80: Negative People Have No Idea That They Are Negative... So Be Gentle...

A few days ago, I wrote a blog about eliminating negative people from your life... What I failed to mention was the issues that are created by the negative personality and the futility of trying to dissuade them from their negative mindset... First of all, in almost all cases, the negative person has no idea how toxic they really are… The funniest part? They think that they are completely rational and in fact, the true realists… 

When a negative person complains, they believe that something is truly wrong and that are simply reciting facts. “This isn’t right.” “This isn’t good enough. It should be better.” Their complaining isn’t done to improve things, and it’s not that they are pleased about it, but simply unsatisfied. They’re just perpetually dissatisfied and make their discomfort with the world not being what they wish known to everyone around them. There isn’t a way to fix the problem they are discussing…. “It’s the public…” or “It’s generational…” This broad use of examples never has a solution, but it allows the person to continue to build their case that the world is the problem and not the way they view it.

The problem you will face here is that no matter what you say, there is no solution. This person cannot see that they are viewing the world as a place with infinite, unsolvable problems… If there is a solution it is always that the entire culture has to shift in order for the problem to be resolved… These universals are difficult to disprove and impossible to make any arguments against.

The negative person doesn’t believe that they are cynical. They don’t recognize that they talk down everything and everyone, but especially anyone who is trying to be positive or motivated to believe that the world can change for the better. It’s not just that don’t buy into an initiative for positive change, it’s that they try to point out all the things that prevent it from repair, as if progress towards better isn’t worth pursuing. They vocalize their skepticism to bring other people to their cause. Agreeing with them is the only way to pacify them, because any effort to offer a different side of the issue, immediately brings sarcasm, derision, and cynicism. 

Here is another aspect of the negative personality that you simply cannot do anything to dissuade them that the world really isn’t as bad a place as they want you to believe. You can point out the good and they will simply laugh at you and tell you that you are overly idealistic, simple minded and cannot see “the truth…”

Then there are those who believe they create value by playing the devil’s advocate and are really just negative people. They look to find reasons that something can’t be done, shouldn’t be done, or will only fail to achieve its intended outcome and any attempt to be helpful, offer a solution or even begin discussions to make things better are quite likely to make things worse. The negative person who plays this role sincerely believes they are serving an honorable purpose… 

This person is really hard to deal with, they not only have a shit attitude about life, but they also believe any attempt to make it better will only compound the issues… I think this is the person you need to avoid the most. Any discussions with them, devolve into unsolvable problems that will lead to certain disaster if any attempt is made to find a solution. The effort to resolve any complex issue will only lead to the apocalypse… However, they can be quite humorous if you let them talk long enough, the spiral that leads to the ultimate breakdown of society is fun to listen to if you don’t take them as seriously as they take themselves…

Negative people are pessimistic. They usually see the worst in everything and everyone. They have the attitude of the defeatist, those who believe they have already lost before they even start the game. They cannot win, the odds are against them winning no matter what they do. They’re all doom and gloom, even when there is evidence to the contrary. They believe things are getting worse, that everything is on fire, and because they are looking through the warped lenses of the negative mindset, there is not much, if anything positive to report.

They sincerely believe that you, the positive, optimistic, future-oriented, and empowered person is the irrational one. You cannot argue with this… Any offer of a positive, motivational speaker is met with disdain and even contempt. Motivational speakers are out of touch with reality, and any philosophy about positivity like The Law of Attraction is taken out of context, denounced harshly and anyone who even considers it, is an idiot… 

They are many types of negative personalities you may have to deal with, but one thing ties them all together, the sound belief that there is simply no hope and no reason to believe that there should be any reason to have any…

Just for the record, there is hope, because at one time in my life, this was me… I was never hateful about it, but I never thought that there was any use for positivity. So even though your friend, co-worker, or family member may not have any hope, you can hope for them. All it takes is one piece of information to shatter their belief in a despondent world… Maybe your example is what they need… I think the hardest part of my attitude change was admitting that I was wrong and letting people see me as a positive person. I identified with my negativity and even when I wanted to like something, I had trouble doing it if it didn’t fit into the dark colored lens of how I viewed the world… It is tough to alter your personality, but doing it was the best thing I could have ever done… The world is a pretty damned good place and being alive in it sure beats the fucking alternative…

My world view has changed and yes, when I distanced myself from my old mindset, the most wonderful thing happened... I found happiness pouring out of me... I'm not sure now what I believed when I felt like everything was wrong, it did me absolutely no good... Nothing good ever came from my negativity, but so many beautiful things are happening now... I'm not sorry I didn't find it sooner, I am profoundly grateful that I get to experience the intensity of feeling good, having hope and expecting good things to happen to me... For a person who used to say that "hope is a disease" I certainly do not believe that ever came out of my mouth... Emily Dickinson said it best... “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops at all.” 

The 90 Day Life Change Challenge update… With 11 days (including today) I think I experienced the first feelings of motivation to finish like a beast… ½ Murph went down smooth even though I kicked the coffee table last night and fucked up my little toe... New pull-up challenge started, P90X3 and meditation all felt good… Looking forward X Yoga tonight…

Have a great day people… Love you like Keith Richards loves drugs… 

See you tomorrow and we will start the process finishing this challenge together and planning the next one… I think I finish on a Saturday, So the following Monday looks like a great time to begin again… That’s an entire day of rest… Sounds about right…

Get to work…